Everybody is writing such lists these days: Don’t do this and don’t do that on twitter or i will not follow you… it’s trendy…

When and why and where and who to follow on Twitter?

I think it always happens to any group of persons that some people jump into the captain’s seat and (try to) overtake the piloting. What would the world be without the leaders?

So it is about time for me to release my own list of heavy twitter-tips. It’s funky!

I’m simply going to tell you 11 reasons that make me not follow (or unfollow) you on twitter! And i am quite sure that my tips will help you to become a twitter master with millions of followers very quickly ;-)

But be careful, fasten your seat belts and take a deep breath; this list holds some shocking facts that you may not like very much. The truth sometimes is hard to accept…

11 shocking reasons i will not follow you on twitter!

1. I don’t follow people who still watch TV!

So you are still watching TV, aren’t you? Then tell me why you are on twitter and try to make me follow you? Twitter is ONLY for hip people who can feel the signs of the times. Switch off the old channels and become a cool ruler like all the other cool rulers on twitter.

2. I don’t follow people with the wrong background picture!

When you have another background pic on your twitter profile than the one i give you here you show that you don’t care about my stuff. So why should i follow you? Always choose the right background pic for your twitter profile or i will not follow.

3. I don’t follow people with an unique avatar pic!

I date so many super sexy women, why the hell should i be interested in your avatar pic? The creative twitter masters have designed a beautiful default picture for you, just leave it alone, you can’t create a better one anyway.

4. I don’t follow people who have exactly 174 followers!

Since i was a child i hated the number 174! It’s a bad number, can’t you see? I simply cannot follow you when you follow 174 people or got 174 followers or 174 updates on your counter. Just make sure to avoid the 174 and i will probably follow you.

5. I don’t follow people with an ugly nose!

I believe that noses tell much about people. And i don’t want to see people with ugly noses because i don’t like them. In my whole life i only want to be surrounded by pretty people that have very pretty noses. If you really cannot avoid using an avatar pic, at least double-check your nose.

6. I don’t follow people with a Mac!

Mac-Users are scary. Serious analyses have proofed that people who put funky Apple-Stickers on their cars and wear funny T-Shirts with Steve Job’s face on it, tend to be rapists or at least terrorists. I don’t want to have to do anything with such guys.

7. I don’t follow people who use the word “is” in their tweets!

Pay attention, the word “is” is dangerous! I don’t trust people who use “is” in their tweets, they are possibly about to tell me how a thing is.

8. I don’t follow people with a PC!

PC-Users are scary. Serious analyses have proofed that people who put funky Windows-Stickers on their cars and wear funny T-Shirts with Bill Gates’ face on it, tend to be rapists or at least terrorists. I don’t want to have to do anything with such guys.

9. I don’t follow people who wear sunglasses!

I must confess that there have been times in my life when i also watched TV. Please forgive me. But anyway, from TV i’ve learned that people who wear sunglasses are potentially spies of a foreign power or gangsters. People with sunglasses are not good. They hide something! They are afraid that one could look them in the eyes and note their criminal intensions. Would you follow such people?

10. I don’t follow left-handed people!

Everybody knows that left-handed people are more intelligent and more creative, just better, than right-handed people. The best proof is the fact that i am left-handed by myself. So i won’t follow other left-handed people simply because i want to be even a little bit more outstanding.

11. I don’t follow people who are not on twitter!

This may sound stupid to you but it is not (are you right-handed?). It’s only the truth and nothing but the truth: If you are not on Twitter i will not follow you, because i can’t.

Stop making such a big deal!

OK, People, let’s hold back and think about it. Can you get it?

I love twitter and think it’s the best invention since a long time. I also love such twitter-trends, like writing lists of “do or not do on twitter”… it’s nice, people love it.

But please, don’t be so damn serious! Please let people make their own experiences on twitter, what’s so hard?

Don’t steal the magic from twitter!

Twitter is a simple game of follow and unfollow! Some like this, some like that. There are cool, stupid, funny, lovely and numerous other minds on twitter, that is twitter’s power!

When individuals start to regulate a social machine like twitter, it couldn’t be worse, twitter would lose most of its magic, much of its human dynamic. That’s what i believe.

But now i’m getting too serious by myself, i’ll stop here.

I hope you enjoyed this funky list of reasons and its opposite point of view. Don’t worry, i will follow you anyway ;-)

Thanks for reading and if you don’t mind, leave a comment…

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